I suck at time management.
I use to be that friend that always showed up late to everything. I cared, but I didn’t care enough. I took advantage of my friends good nature.
I use to also be that co-worker to came in stressed out and saying, “I know I know… traffic.” Or some other excuse on how horrible my morning went.
So many excuses. Then my sister called me out about my lateness. She tore into me and made me realize that what I was doing was really disrespectful to everyone. I said I cared about people, but my actions were saying the exact opposite. “You don’t realize the effect you have on people.” She was right.
I changed. I started timing myself to see how long it took me to do things. How long really was it taking me to get ready to go out? How long really did it take me to drive somewhere? What was the real time, not the Natalie time in my head. It took awhile, but it finally took hold. I arrive on time now to meet my friends and if something comes up, I text them right away with an accurate time estimate of when I’ll be there.
But, I still suck at time management for myself. If it’s something I plan to do, I put it off. Events I schedule in my calendar that are part of my goal setting such as writing, photo walks, or editing video for myself, all of it, I put it all off and ignore my schedule. I make great schedules. Then promptly ignore them.
It’s part of a big problem that I have at achieving my plans and goals. I do and don’t care about improving my life. A recent video I found went over the where my brain is at most of the time.
The video goes over that when we start to make changes, our brains then create a pitfall for us. An all or nothing mindset occurs. We tell ourselves that what we are doing is not enough. Then comes the discouragement that it’s all pointless. So we give up. Stay the same. Another day gone with no change.
It is daunting when attempting to do massive changes. Not only do I want to build a business that allows me to leave my 9-5, I’m also trying to lose about a hundred and fifty pounds. Both of those items are monumental life altering changes.
My brain tells me my weak little 30 min. on the treadmill and logging my food are inconsequential so why make an effort? You can work on that video edit later, just an hour working on it won’t matter anyway, it’s not enough time. Just a few more minutes on Twitter/YouTube/etc. won’t matter anyway.
And that’s the same attitude I use to have when getting ready to go somewhere. My being a few minutes late won’t matter. But it did matter. It mattered enough my sister dressed me down about it.
I guess this post is just me dressing myself down a bit to remind myself I care about making these changes. I need to care about doing the little things. Logging my food, walking 30 min. a day, writing, reviewing my habit trackers. Little things that seem inconsequential but matter so so much.
It kind of reminds me of making promises to my nephews. They are little children so a simple promise made to them may seem like nothing to an adult, but a failed promise to a child can impact their whole world. The hope and anticipation we had as children when an adult would tell us we were going somewhere amazing is something we forget as adults. Not to mention the crushing disappointment when plans would fall through. As we grow older we learn to adapt to disappointment and failed promises. Maybe a little too well.
Maybe I need to rekindle that child like wonderment at the possibility of a future where my job is a creative endeavor. A future for myself where I can play with my nephews without getting winded and needing to sit down after a few minutes. Maybe I need to make a promise to myself to not put things off, to not procrastinate, and and to stop ignoring the little things that need to be done daily.
I promise not to quit.
Here's a video about never quitting I found helpful this morning.
https://youtu.be/egnnk8Cy_jk?si=sP3oMHOppwiOj793